I was born in search of my identity. I came into this world lost- not only spiritually, but in my very humanity. The search began as I created mud pies in the yard and twirled in a flowy pink dress in the living room. As I grew older, I looked high and low, in dark alleys and busy highways. On stages and in quiet spaces. In shopping malls, and in other people’s faces. I couldn’t find it. My very own identity; I was a foreigner to myself. The knowing of me was elusive, like a desert mirage; each time I thought I would be quenched with the understanding of who I was, it would move a little further into the distance. 

I grew up. 

I felt empty.

I looked around.

I asked them, “Who am I?”

They said, “You’re pretty.” 

I said, “Ok.”

 

I grew pretty.

I felt empty.

I looked around.

I asked them, “Who am I?”

They said, “You’re popular.”

I said, “Ok.”

 

I grew popular.

I felt empty.

I looked around.

I asked them, “Who am I?”

They said, “You’re fun!”

I said, “Ok.”

 

I grew fun.

I felt empty.

I looked around.

I asked them, “Who am I?”

They said, “You’re a Mom.”

I said, “Ok.”

 

I grew as a Mom.

I felt empty.

I looked around.

I asked them, “Who am I?”

They said, “You’re a Nurse.”

I said, “Ok.”

 

I grew as a nurse.

I felt empty.

I looked around.

I asked them, “Who am I?”

They said, “You’re a homeschool mom.”

I said, “Ok.”

 

I grew as a homeschool mom.

I felt empty.

I looked around.

I asked them, “Who am I?”

They said nothing.

I said, “Hello?”

God answered. 

“Hello, My child! Let me introduce you to yourself, I’ve been waiting.”

I said, “Ok.”

 

Years passed. Day by day, through teaching, talking, trials, and tears, the God of the universe captured the mirage of my identity and presented it to me. 

“To know yourself, you must first know Me.”

I said, “Ok.”

I experienced His Love, 

Grace,

Mercy, 

Forgiveness, 

Beauty, 

Power, 

Tenderness. 

Then, He showed me the way I give love,

My personality,

Strengths,

Weaknesses, 

Fears,

Values,

Hobbies.

We danced; I experienced Him, He showed me myself. I grew in confidence and joy. For the first time, I understood my unique purpose on this planet. I came to know what peace feels like and I understood what it meant to feel free! 

My identity is no longer a mirage in the desert. There is no striving to be “good enough” or trying to be like someone else. I am ME: fearfully and wonderfully made by a Good God who loves to show Himself to His children. And in turn, He shows me, ME! 

*Have you ever struggled with your identity? Your purpose in life? Feelings of inadequacy or trying to be like someone else? Perhaps God would love to show Himself to you! And when He does, I promise He will begin showing you your identity too. 

-Christi