We are graduating our third little bird in 1 week. How can it be that 18 years have passed and the formative years have ended? How are the awkward days of middle school and the sometimes argumentative days of high school already behind us? You would think I would get used to these transitions – to the ripping off of an emotional bandaid across my mother-heart, but I don’t. It is what we mothers work for all of our days, yet to let them fly is the hardest and scariest thing we do. Have I prepared him enough for the world? Have I taught him- showed him enough- the way in which he should go so that when he is old he doesn’t depart from it? Is he equipped to handle the stressors of life? How brutally are the remnants of my mistakes going to show themselves in my little bird’s life once he leaves? (ouch! That one hurts!)

The truth is, while I have given my all, relying on God to help me, I have still missed the mark periodically while raising Baby Bird. And the truth is, that is ok. When God gifted me with Baby Bird, He didn’t put stipulations on my parenting: “Baby Bird will follow Me if you do enough for him.” “Baby Bird will make good choices if you only mess up 1 time per week.” “Baby Bird will be successful if you make sure to…….” While I have done my best to surrender to God’s plan and His leading, the reality is that I have also been fully human with frustrations, irritations, disagreements, and butting heads with Baby Bird. After all, he is an individual with his own desires, interests, and opinions…and oftentimes they are different than mine!

Mothers are so often afraid of letting their little birds fly. Why is that? If this is what we have worked so hard for all these years, why do we hold on so tightly while the fledgling struggles to loose himself from his mothers grip, wings flailing about and flapping vigorously. Could it be that our grip is actually causing exhaustion and overwork on our little birds who know it’s time to fly? I wonder if our fear of their unknown successes and failures paralyze us into holding on?

As mothers, we often believe that our little bird’s successes and failures are all up to us. We somehow believe that we are the sole proprietors of their future; that God is bound by our own successes and failures as a mother. That somehow God is limited and held back by our good days and bad days.  

Why are we so afraid of our children experiencing and walking through perceived failure? Isn’t failure one of the ways we learn and grow? I think we all know the story about Thomas Edison and his thousands of “failed attempts” at making the light bulb! His response was gold: “I have not failed, but rather successfully found thousands of ways that will not work.” Oh that we would embrace the same perspective for ourselves and our children!

Trial and error, mistakes, and yes, even failures, are great breeding grounds for success. They are the very place where we get to learn, grow, gain perspective, knowledge, and wisdom. Perhaps our fear of our little birds experiencing mistakes and failures is really about our own confidence, perfectionism, and worth. Perhaps the underlying belief is “if Little Bird succeeds, it means I am a good enough mom. But if Little Bird experiences failure, I should have done more.” Dear Mother, know this: your child’s successes and failures are partly because of what you have given them. But also know this: your child’s successes and failures are in spite of what you’ve given them. Read that again. Humbling, isn’t it? But oh so freeing! I have both blessed my children and I have “cursed” my children; it’s the precise result of being human. And even in all of that, God assures me that it was never solely up to me to make sure my children thrive. It is His delight to write our children’s stories, using what we have provided- the good pieces and the broken pieces- to show both His Goodness through the Graces and His Power in our weaknesses. 

As I (we) sit and allow God to remind my heart of His truths, it enables me to trust Him. I get to surrender to His plans for my Bird, and it gives me the strength to loosen my grip and allows me the freedom to let my Little Bird fly!

-Christi