Hi Friends! Jenna here… wanted to share with you an example of communicating with the Lord in our journaling. This is a blog I wrote a while ago, originally posted HERE.
Jenna’s Journal : July 2019
I feel I have been rather stuck and complacent and lazy… all of which contribute to the deeper experience of the others. I’m okay at ideas. I’m really good at talk. Why do I have such a struggle in the discipline of DO? I’m weak, and I have thought I was stronger, thought of myself more highly than I ought. The trouble is that for a while, and outwardly, it doesn’t appear to be bad, but inside I know I am wasting away, grasping at you with finger tips when I feel needy, but not truly pursuing you, God, with heart and soul.
I need some practical heart-faith to foot-action forward motion…
Abba… I say I want what you want, but then like Paul I do what I don’t want and don’t do what I wish, and I take the easy route far more often than I’d like to admit. Perhaps the truth is that, like Alicia, I keep on fallin’ in and out of love with you — based on my actions. And action is what proves faith, right, James? (James 2:17)
Lord, how many times have I taken advantage of your love and grace and ever open arms spread wide on the cross of your suffering and my salvation? Why is it so easy to turn my eyes from you and to my own comfortable life? Hills and valleys come in all shapes and sizes, but often they are ones I have dug or built for myself.
Jesus, how do I bring your heart so deeply into my own that I can more truthfully say that it is no longer I who lives, but you in me and through me?
I have been reading and really enjoying Madeline L’Engle’s books and there is a poem in one of them which comes to mind:
If thou could’st empty all thyself of self,
Like a shell dishabited,
Then might He find thee on the ocean shelf,
And say, “This is not dead,”
And fill thee with Himself instead.
But thou art all replete with very thou
And hast such shrewd activity,
That when He comes He says, “This is enow
Unto itself—‘twere better let it be,
It is so small and full, there is no room for Me.”
As Vicky’s character ponders, so do I — I am so often “all replete with very [me]” rather than full to overflowing with You. I don’t want to live a glass-half-full life. I want my cup to overflow.
Jesus… I am all replete with very me… help me. I have a hard time asking for help, sometimes even from You, which is pride — something I have much more of than I like to admit. Lord, forgive my iniquity, all the ways in me that keep me from greater knowledge of You. Put in me instead your heart of intimacy and desire and love. Continue to show me where I am living in fear rather than your perfect love (1 John 4:18). Continue to perfect me in your Love. Turn the stony places of my heart soft… (Ezekiel 36:26)
Create in me a pure heart, and a desire to do your will… a motivation — by the transforming power of your love — to live whole-heartedly, fully, passionately, so I can actually give you to others. Help me to curb my talk and walk your walk.
I want to live demonstratively. The Spirit part of me does, but the earthy side of me fights it.
God, this isn’t just personal, though… You have me here and now “on purpose for purpose.” You have given each person gifts, and destiny. But because of the wonder of free will, we — I — don’t have to walk in it, but the world misses out when we don’t.
I have seen and experienced it myself — our little (or big) acts of surrender and obedience influence others and play a part in your ripples of love in the world more than we will ever grasp. Call it paying it forward or the butterfly effect, but we underestimate the power of our moment-to-moment choices.
Open my eyes to see, my ears to hear, and my heart to know…
** Thanks for reading through some of the real and raw with me. It is easy to put our best face forward, but where is the vulnerability in that? Vulnerability breeds vulnerability, and so I share with you that you might share with another. In your struggles, whatever they may be, just know you are not alone! Blessings to you! **
God, give me mercy from your fountain of forgiveness!
I know your abundant love is enough to wash away my guilt.
I know that you delight to set your truth deep in my spirit.
So come into the hidden places of my heart
and teach me wisdom.
Create a new, clean heart within me.
Fill me with pure thoughts and holy desires, ready to please you.
Lord God, unlock my heart, unlock my lips,
and I will overcome with my joyous praise!
For the source of your pleasure is not in my performance
or the sacrifices I might offer to you.
The fountain of your pleasure is found
in the sacrifice of my shattered heart before you.
You will not despise my tenderness
as I humbly bow down at your feet.
(Psalm 51:1, 6, 10, 15-17)
love and blessings,
♥ jenna christine ♥